Inside the Women's Locker Room

Before my transition I had reached my heaviest weight ever at 260 pounds.  Once I knew I would be starting hormone therapy eventually, I knew that I had to lose as much of that excess weight as I possibly could before HRT.  One of the effects of HRT for us male-to-female transsexuals is reduction in muscle mass and density.  If you know much about weight loss, you know that more muscle mass means your body burns more calories at rest.  So, I knew that once I began to lose muscle mass from being on HRT losing weight would become a harder and slower process.  In general, men lose weight more easily and quickly than women do because men tend to have more lean muscle mass than women (speaking generally).  I started going to the gym 4 to 6 days a week, working out with serious intensity, and modified my diet a bit.  In 4 or 5 months I lost 50 lbs.  Then my transition started.

Starting to transition meant reprioritizing my spending.  When I moved out on my own, I was financially supporting two households, and spending a substantial amount of money on things I would consider to be medically necessary like weekly electrolysis, psychotherapy, and visits to my endocrinologist.  So, my money went away.  I couldn't afford the gym anymore.  Realistically, I needed to focus on my transition anyway.  Over time, my finances began to rebound enough and I could have gotten back to the gym, but there were several months during which I looked very androgynous.  I would not have felt comfortable in a men's locker room or a women's.  So, I waited.

In November I got my first legal ID with a female gender marker, and I began thinking about the gym again, but I was scared.  I wasn't ready.  Finally, in January of this year as the annual onslaught of weight loss and fitness promotions began, I felt ready.  I could do this.  So, one evening I found myself walking into a new LA Fitness that had just been built less than two miles from my home, and I sat down and spoke with a sales rep there for perhaps 30 minutes.  I never mentioned anything about gender.  He had me use a machine to calculate my fat percentage and BMI.  I knew I'd regained about 10 pounds since stopping my regular workouts, and the machine didn't let me forget it.  He did have to type some information about me into the machine such as my height and my gender.  I told him 5'10" (and a half) for my height, and I saw him enter "female" for my gender.  That was nice.  I left that evening, having spent 30 minutes up close and in person with this man prospectively scrutinizing me, speaking to him in my "work in progress" voice, and everything went fine.  I left with an ID for the gym and the resolve to begin workouts the next day.

My first workout held, for me, one of the biggest challenges I could imagine:  the women's locker room.  This was the main reason I'd been away from the gym for so long.  The night before I'd gleefully gone out and bought my first female workout clothes, but between me and getting into those clothes stood the women's locker room.  During my tour of the facility, I'd walked through the women's locker room, but it was a quick "in and out" sort of thing.  This time I was going in there and would have to change clothes in the presence of other women doing the same.  This would be an ultimate test for me.  Would the other ladies be startled when I walked in?  Would they look at me suspiciously as I put my things into a locker?  Would they run out screaming and return with a manager or even the police?  I didn't really think so, but this was brand new territory for me.

I did not attract any special attention in the women's locker room.  No one stared.  No one screamed.  No one ran out.  I was strictly in there for the business of getting ready to work out, and so were they.  Down to my bra and panties only several feet from another woman and no sign of any concern.  She was getting ready to go swimming, and stripped completely to get in her bathing suit.  I was looking away, but caught this on my way out.  She was oblivious to me.  I was relieved!  I left the locker room and went on to have a great workout.

Over the next two weeks I went to the gym five or six times, and each time the women's locker room proved to be a non-issue for me.  In fact, I realized that I was far more comfortable in there than I'd ever been in the men's locker room.  My only problem was that after my workouts I would have loved to have gone and showered, but I couldn't figure out a way to do so easily without potentially revealing my birth defect.  So, I avoided that part.  Still, there I was, and I felt great.  I even had an hour long complimentary personal training session with a very hairy, short Italian man during my second week at the gym.  It went perfectly well, although it was the basis for a rather humorous exchange between my ex and me.

Just minutes after I'd finished my training session, Lynn sent me a text message, asking what I was doing.  I replied, "I just finished my free session with a personal trainer at the gym."

"Oh?  So, how did that go?" she asked.  I felt her eyebrows were raised and she was expecting to hear something shocking.  My little evil, playful side kicked in.

"Well, about halfway through the session, he leaned over and whispered in my ear, 'Pssst!  You're really a guy, aren't you?'" I texted to Lynn.

Lynn stopped texting immediately and called me on the phone.  "Did that really happen?  That .. that .. that didn't happen.  Did it?"

I could barely contain my amusement, but I tried to sound serious.  I replied, "Why?  Because I'm so beautiful?"

"No.  Just they would .. no one would .. even if they thought something, they wouldn't say anything".  Lynn seemed to be shocked and trying to convince herself.  I had to let her off the hook.

"Psyche!  Just kidding.  It went fine!" I said, following my words with almost hysterical laughter.

At this point I've been a member of the gym for not quite a month, and I'm completely over the newness of the women's locker room experience.  People who don't understand transsexualism might consider there would be some sexual or erotic component to someone like me being in such a place.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Just like using a women's restroom:  I'm in there for "official business only".  Initially, my mindset was, "Please don't notice me".  Just like overcoming any fear, through repeated exposure to the source of my fear I soon realized that it was unfounded.  No one noticed me, because I'm not trying to be anything or anyone.  I really am one of them, and my body now reflects that in almost all regards (ignoring one part which i can't do anything about yet).  Now my mindset is all about my workout.  I'm just another woman trying to fight against the effects of a sedentary job and lifestyle, and trying to become as healthy as I can.

After I shared with some friends and acquaintances online the fact that I'd joined a gym, one guy asked, "So, which locker room did you use?"

"The only one I could use any more!" I replied, thinking his question completely absurd.  "I mean, look at me!  I don't think it would be comfortable for anyone if I were in a men's locker room.  I definitely don't think I'd feel safe in one!"

While this experience has magnified my confidence beyond measure, it's really nice to be at the point where I can just focus on the gym as a place to get fit - just like everyone else!